Outside the card and inside it…

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you’ve come into my life…
(Inside card)   – I’ve changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…
(Inside card)   – I never believed in Hell until I met you.  

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….
(Inside card) -   That you’re not here to ruin it for me …

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….  
(Inside card) -   Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably need it again.  

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….
(Inside card) -   Almost lifelike!  

6. When we were together, you said you’d die for me…
(Inside card) -   Now we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.  

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….  
(Inside card) -   Did you ever find out who the father was?  

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and   there was only one life jacket…
(Inside card)   – I’d miss you terribly and think of you often ..

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…
(Inside card)   – So we’re having you put to sleep.  

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can’t help but wonder…..
(Inside card) -   What the   hell   was I thinking  

11. I’m so miserable without you…
(Inside card) -   It’s almost like you’re still here.  

12. Thank you for being part of my life…..
(Inside card) -   I never knew what evil was until I met you!  

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) -   Too bad no one likes your husband.  

14. How can I say this….
(Inside card) -   Your cooking kills me  

15. Hooray…..
(Inside card) -   You’re divorced.  

16. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what happened…
(Inside card) -   Especially since you survived.  

17. Congrats on getting married…
(Inside card) -   It’s not everyday you decide to ruin your life.  

18. Someday I hope to marry…
(inside card) -   Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time…
(inside card) -   What do you say we stop?